The One Who Didn’t Deserve It

Chapter 3

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15

One day, as I was stuck at a light a few blocks away from my house I saw something that caught my eye. It was a woman with messy, half-bleached hair standing at the bus stop. Through her faded, baggy sweatshirt, I could see that she was about five months pregnant. She looked over and seemed to glare at me as she lit a cigarette that was loosely hanging out of her mouth. My heart sank deep within me for the baby she was carrying, and for myself. Why would God allow her to get pregnant and not me?

From then on out, I would see this woman fairly regularly at the bus stop. Her pregnancy progressed but her addiction to cigarettes never seemed to end. It was a scene that brought such deep agony into the depths of my being. I remember asking the Lord “Why do You allow these women to become pregnant and not me? Don’t You know how much more I would care for a baby than this woman?”

I never received an answer from God except that it was proof that He hadn’t stopped moving. He was still the giver of life, even if it wasn’t for me. He still allowed the miracle of conception to take place in this woman at the bus stop and many other women I encountered. Slowly but surely my anger toward this woman turned into empathy. I began to pray for her, and pray for her baby. I began thanking God that He still gives life regardless of our actions. I prayed that the Lord would reveal Himself to her and that her child would also come to know Him.

Through the anger and sorrow that this season brought, God was humbling me and changing me. I began to rejoice with those who didn’t have to go through losing a baby like I did, and instead of being jealous of others, I became happy for them. I learned that my life wasn’t about the things I lacked, but rather what I could gain through a deep and personal relationship with Jesus. I probably would have never noticed this woman at the bus stop had my life gone a different route. And, if I did notice her, I wouldn’t have been so moved to pray for her.


A devout Christian mom of three, I've felt led to write about my experiences of everything from miscarriages to infertility to being rescued by the Coast Guard. This blog was created to share my experiences of seeing God's hand upon my life and scriptures to go along with them.

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